1) Do a tribute on "The Shop" to "Skippy's List" -- Even better if you can get Skippy himself to do a cameo.
2) For "Devil Docs" : I was a cherry new Doc living in the barracks. Half of our med platoon had just got back that day from Mogadishu (they were attached to 2/22 - 10th Mtn - the firefight with the Ranger Batt during the whole Blackhawk Down fiasco. Those guys hated Rangers from then out). That first night, I learned quickly just how f'ed up these guys were. They were drunk within 1/2 hour of release and one of them gave me his car keys to go on a liquor run (that was smart, I was sober, they weren't). I come back with the booze and they've got one guy, the Hoff, held down sitting on him. He had stepped on a broken bottle and there's a 1/2 inch flap of skin dangling on his pinky toe. He's screaming and yelling for them to let him up, he gonna kick somebody's ass. They're all "shut the fuck up, we'll fix it". They tell me to go get my aid bag, I come back and they try to shoot up his toe with lidocaine, but he's squirming and thrashing, pissed off. So they just open the vial and pour it on his toe. Since he's squirming too much to sew it up, they decide to use the surgical stapler. They managed to get about 5 staples in his foot in random places; not one anywhere near his pinky toe, let alone that flap of skin. Then they proceeded to bandage it with about 20 gauze pads and a whole roll of 3" tape. That was a wild night.
3) My first deployment - Operation Restore/Uphold Democracy, Haiti - We had one port-a-john set upwind and about 20 yards from the others. Signs were posted outside and inside that this was a "NO-POOPING" port-a-john. There was an old MRE box inside full of "reading" material. There was a clipboard hung inside the door to sign up for 20 minute blocks to use the port-a-john. Advantage to being 'Doc', I got one of the first picks for time slot, 1120.
4) "If you HAD to be gay (or not what you identify), name 3 guys you'd want to be gay with" My standard choices were: Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp, & John Malkovitch.
5) Signing the register for chow every meal. We started doing themes for the meals where we'd all write down a fake name based on the theme - super heroes, presidents, movie stars, animals, beer brands, sports teams, porn stars, colors, body parts, fruit, fast food chains, car models, ...
6) Hunting, killing, cooking, and eating just about anything. I've eaten roasted mice, lizards, raccoons, turkeys. The raccoons and turkeys killed via cleaning rod and blank round. One of the best meals I ever ate was a wild turkey cooked in a hole in the ground. We'd also try random leaves, berries, fruit just to check if they were edible or poisonous. Smoking just about any plant was fair game also.
7) On one deployment to Panama, we were a test unit for the new MOPP gear. These were the first ones where the elastic cords on the waist of the jacket is pulled down between the legs and snapped to the waist in the back (a good idea, it keeps the jacket from riding up which would allow gaps). Well, my buddy and I decide to put on our pro-masks (gas masks), these jackets - with the cords between our legs, one elastic band on each side of our junk, and shower shoes (flip-flops) and go on a run through the open bay barracks to our Platoon Leader's room (two floors down at the other end of the building). We're running (hard to do in flip flops on concrete floors) through the open bays on each floor, getting applause and cheers and get down to the first floor where the officers were living 2 to a room. We got to my Platoon Leader's door, I threw the door open ran in ----- and there is the Battalion commander sitting in the chair with OPLANS laid out on the floor for our next mission. I didn't miss a beat, I jumped up on the bunk, threw my arms out wide, did a few pelvic wiggles and ran back out. I thought for sure I'd get called on the carpet, or at least we'd hear about it at formation the next morning ("If the person who did this comes forward...), but nothing was ever said.
8) There is always that one guy who would do anything for a buck. One time he chugged a whole 10-dose bottle of ipecac. Poor guy thought he was gonna die. We came up with what we called the 300 club - put the blood pressure cuff on, pump it up to 300mmHg, hold for five seconds. Hurts a bit on your arm and leaves bruises, but doable. It was mainly just a way to get the non-medics to come back into the aid station so we could get them in a litter sandwich and then dump them in the motor pool - another story. But anyway; Anything-for-a-buck guy decides to up the challenge for the 300 club. He volunteers to use the infant size cuff on his other appendage (not his arm). I think he enjoyed it too much, because next he's got the idea to put the thigh cuff around his neck. Pumping this up to 300, his face is turning purple and then he passes out with the pressure at about 280, bounces his head off the field desk as he's going down and cuts a gash in his head. With the rest of us laughing our asses off. OF COURSE, at that precise moment the Platoon Leader comes in and panic ensued. Everyone got written up.
9) Strange rashes from trying various products as personal lubricants. CLP is NOT a personal lubricant. I bet every line Doc has seen the results of it at least once. It does some serious nastiness. Just DON'T.
10) We had a polaroid camera that was used exclusively for photographing the post-field turds. The photos got tacked up on a bulletin board in the cold-storage area. Some of those pics were absolutely amazing.
11) As Medics we'd randomly perform procedure on each other for no reason other than boredom and the desire to say we'd done it (and for "training purposes" of course): night vision IVs, completely blindfolded IVs, IVs in unusual parts of the body (forehead, ankle -- no I never got one done THERE), remove nails, catheterization. The PA drew the line at cutting each other just to sew it back up. We were not allowed to CREATE an injury just to fix it (probably a good idea - we'd have ended up shooting each other with cleaning rods). There had to be an existing condition to treat. So... I got shot in the ass with a BB gun when I was about 14 and still had the BB lodged just under my skin. You could feel it. So since we needed something to do one day, I volunteered myself for minor surgery. I was holding two mirrors so I could watch as they cut my ass open to take out the BB. It had encapsulated, so was a little trickier than just simply slitting the skin, popping it out and sewing me back up.
12) Koalification. Seriously, why haven't I seen this on any of the shows yet? Maybe I just haven't watched the right episode. This usually started by someone asking "Are you koalified" to which the target confusingly replies "Qualified for what?" The target is then lifted, feet up - head down, as high on a tree trunk as possible and made to grab hold. He/she is just left hanging there with their arms and legs wrapped around the tree, usually about 5 ft off the ground. Sometimes they are specifically told not to let go, or we would have contests to see who could hang the longest. Watching the Koala try to figure out how to get down without bouncing off their head is priceless; there is no graceful way to do it.
13) Working as an Intel Analyst in a Combined Joint environment: I had a Lieutenant I worked with who wanted to make sure I saw and read a particularly important section of a document. To make sure I noticed it, he bolded the text. Then he underlined it. To really set it apart he changed the font to red. And to make absolutely I couldn’t possibly miss it, he highlighted the entire paragraph — in red. I didn’t miss it. I saw a big red rectangle in the middle of the document that didn’t belong there. I deleted it, finished proofing, and submitted the report. The Lt, when he saw the submitted reporting - missing the important bits - was livid and starts chewing my ass. The Major, overhearing the Lt yelling at me and the total WTF look on my face stepped into the conversation and the Lt explained what he did; which ended with me laughing my ass off as I walked away leaving the Lt to receive his ass chewing.
14) JRTC at lovely Ft. Polk - we've got a MASCAL. The PL goes out to mark the LZ, first grabbing a box of chem-lights from the field desk. He comes back a minute or so later bitching that none of the lights in that box were any good and grabs another and goes back out. As he's coming back into the tent again, again bitching, DUSTOFF comes over the radio asking who's the fucking idiot throwing the IR chemlights all over the LZ.