oh yes! 100% we are the backbone of the sq
show some of the dumbest shit a pilot says to us and leadership harassing us while the monsters and tornados go down like cake, and the PT test waivers/failures pour in by the truckload.. shitbags for sure

It's a bit retro, but prior to the Air Force's 1st PT Renaissance, all they did was an 'ergo bike test' once a year. That shit was on its way out when I hit operational side in '03. Got to do it once and the euphoria of not having to do PT after finishing tech school lasted mere months. Damned Indian givers. But I digress. Supposedly, this magical stationary bike was able to measure a person's overall fitness by varying the resistance while monitoring heart rate. If an increase in resistance didn't cause a massive jump in heart rate you passed. Im oversimplifying as it took a good 15min of work on the bike with resistance going all over the place and the whole magic show basically killed 2hrs of your day.

The punch line... Damn thing didn't work. Air Force people aren't stupid and any magical measurement device with career ramifications will be hacked within a month. Never underestimate the ingenuity of a fat NCO with car payments and a mortgage, facing early separation.

The first sign of weakness was an early batch of marathon runners, century cyclists etc. failing the test and having to do 'alternate assessments,' i.e. do an actual PT test. Turns out, those people had resting heart rates one click up from dead. When the bike resisted, their bodies would jump up to a workout heart rate well above baseline established when the bike had 0 resistance.

The dirt bag E5s and above were aware of the situation and being briefed on the regular about paperwork required when an obviously fit subordinate failed the bike test. When it was their turn, they would spend the day of the test chugging coffee and smoking cigarettes. Before going in they would finish off a pack. Once on the bike, they were already half a notch down from a full on heart attack. Stereotypical, potbellied NCOs with a coffee cup in one hand and a lit cig in the other were passing with flying colors while former track stars and people recently reclassed out of PJ, TAC-P and combat controller pipelines were bombing out hard.

Cross into the blue, where everything is backward.

Added bonus, the checkout girl is the wing king's daughter.

Fucking amazing... bravo... fucking pilots

No paint thinner based stay-awake drinks? Cruelty to animals!!!. Air Force types are a typically docile bunch who will suffer quietly most of the time. But certain things will elicit a Swift, unexpected and shockingly savage response.

The missing tool at turnover, the shift meeting during which an exceedingly idiotic decree passed down from day shift is announced. Can all be made right, when Maintainers in their natural habitat, the flightline, spot something of interest in the distance. A general is about to make a grave mistake. He is standing perilously close to the edge of the red line. Yards away from the nearest barber pole section. He is peacocking for a VIP touring the base. A professional football player perhaps.

An angry and frustrated security forces troop (the butt of everyone's jokes,) prepares to pounce. This could be a once in a career opportunity. In a careless moment of animated pontification, the hapless general steps across the red line. The security forces troop is sprung. All work on the flightline stops, everyone's breath is held. In less than a second the general is laid the fuck out, the young security forces troop drawing down with immeasurable satisfaction. Yes pro football player, that is how you sack a general.

And then, much as if nothing had happened at all, the driven slaves return to their aloted tasks.