So i injured my left nut while I was still in the Army by sitting on it, literally. It was injured and painful for 3-4 years until I finally got surgery on it. If that's not a character that writes itself, I don't know what is! I'll gladly tell the story if anyone cares to hear it. Just an idea.

Throw it out there bro? We will always go through stories and find the epic ones.

So, I don't think it's that epic but here it is. I was an 11C stationed at Ft. Campbell, more specifically the 1-506th. We had a deployment coming up, what would have been my first (and for now, only) one. My cockbag of a PSG wouldn't let me deploy, which naturally pissed me off. While they were gone, my acting 1SG on Rear D said I could go with one of the groups leaving later for Afghanistan. Naturally, I was feeling less shitty about the situation and a little more optimistic. Well that plan got thrown out the window when our current arms room guy decided he wanted to be EOD. Needing someone "reliable" to take his place, my acting 1SG chose me. Wanting to still deploy, I told him I was a shitbag and totally not the right guy for the job! He apparently didn't think so and ordered me to take over. It actually turned out to be a lot harder than I was expecting (not deployment hard. I'm not a douche). Mainly because our arms room guy didn't teach me anything, the class was worthless, and our arms room hadn't passed inspection in 3 years and everything was totally fucked up. I basically had to figure everything out on my own and completely revamp the arms room from scratch. "Worthless" isn't a strong enough word to describe our arms room guy.

Anyway, I go into the arms room one morning after getting chewed out for trying to skip PT. I wasn't trying to get out of PT but I figured making sure our arms room passes inspection so we don't get fucked up and I don't get blamed for it was pretty important. I was already working every weekend and going home at midnight every day just to get things to standard. Again, our arms room was really fucked up. So I go to sit down at the computer one day to email our arms room guy down range and immediately feel pain in my left nut. I've kind of done that before and didn't think much of it. Well 30 minutes later I go to get up to check on some serial numbers and immediately collapse to the floor. Turns out that pain I felt a half an hour earlier didn't go away. I fucked something up in my left nut in a major way! The pain was so unbearable that I could barely get back to my feet, I almost called the medics to come to me! Deciding I wasn't going to be a pussy, I hobbled my ass to the medics station. It took me 15 minutes to go a total of maybe 150 feet. Exaggerating, I am not. I was hunched over and walking inch by inch. Even the officers that I passed and didn't salute didn't give me shit because they could clearly see something was wrong. When I finally get their, drenched in sweat, I walk in and say "no homo guys, I need someone to check out my nuts! Something is seriously wrong!". They basically told me "fuck you" and sent me to the clinic. I told them that walking wasn't an option (it was a mile or 2 away) and needed a ride. Keep in mind, i can't even stand up straight at this point.

Well. one of my medic buddies was nice enough to give me a ride. I had to grab on to the roof of his car and slowly lower myself inside and do the opposite to get out. At the clinic, I got checked out by this fat, ginger, d-bag who thought that grabbing and firmly squeezing my, now orange sized, testicle was the proper way to determine what was wrong. I was using every ounce of strength at this point to keep myself from punching him in the head. Well he determined that it wasn't Testicular Torsion and sent me to BACH ( the hospital on base). They didn't know what was wrong and gave me anti-bacterial pills. That obviously didn't make sense since I clearly injured myself but I figured I'd go along with it since I didn't know what was wrong.

After 2 weeks of literally not sleeping and being barely able to move, the swelling went down and the pain, for the most part, went away. Now with that said, I still felt random pain on a daily basis for the next 3 years. Like, completely random! Oh and it always felt like someone was kicking me in the nuts and could last for hours. Sure, some things made my nut hurt worse like any kind of increased activity or even a long walk but it would ache even when I was just sitting, watching tv. I unfortunately gained weight because of it and ended up getting kicked out of the Army because of it. It's held me back from getting the jobs I've wanted because they require me to be in shape and even gave me some ED (huge hit with the ladies!). I finally got surgery this past June after getting denied by doctor after doctor because it wast "too risky". Basically they said that my left nut would be more or less useless and it would only leave me with one working one and there was no guarantee it would work. I didn't really care because the pain was ridiculous and finally found a doctor at Dartmouth to do the surgery. Now the pain is gone and I'm slowly but surely working on getting back in shape.

Sorry, I know that was long but it was a long and painful experience! haha Let me know what you guys think and keep up the good work! Your content is genius, really good shit!