Summarized suicidal impulse every time I make a mistake that cost more than $100 I feel like slitting my wrists sometimes it can be a relatively small mistake like I caused the destruction of my girlfriends coffee maker, or potentially losing thousands of dollars in grant money I potential he cost myself $1 million in grant money and felt less suicidal but I did when I lost the 150 on the coffee maker. I don’t know why I think the way I do especially when it’s my fault like when I applied to a major grade school program I shouldn’t have lost $40,000 and screwed up three months my life I just want to die every day when I lost $150 and a coffee maker I got over and we could just really hurt and I still feel a little bit of pain every time I make coffee
Although I am sorry to hear about your dealings with this type of pain, I am glad to see you felt comfortable enough to send a message on here using our forum. I have to admit that none of us on here are professionals in understanding these types of self-harm related topics; however, I really want to express that there are so many ways to receive anonymous help professionally. I ask that you please think about making a call to 1-800-273-8255 . There are also anonymous chat services as well. Please check them out when you can. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ . We value your support on here and we hope to also support you in getting a chance to talk with someone who can better help in this type of situation. Please reach out to family and friends close to you that can also support you.