No, not the skanky ho I married when I was on active duty... wife #2 I met later... she's the ultimate keeper.
(Posting this purely to brag about how awesome my wife is.)
Backstory: Former Marine Corps Armorer, now certified gun nut living up in the mountains. I've been building a collection of all USMC weapons since WWI over the last decade. There's a few big holes in the collection though...
So in October 2018, I'm in PA for my baby niece's wedding. My brother-in-law (also former USMC) takes me to this small gun store at this tiny town in the middle of nowhere. "You gotta see something they got!" he says. I walk in, and there she is... M1918 BAR, factory fresh, never been fired. Apparently some old fart was liquidating some epic collection.
I saw a halo of golden light around her... and new she must be mine. Her name would be "Lucile", and it was her destiny to be in my hands.
The next day at the wedding, all I could talk about was the BAR. Built from new-old-stock WW2 parts, never been fired, glorious wood and American steel. Unfortunately, my credit card was full. No matter what, I needed to have her. I told them I'd take it, and would fed-ex a check to them as soon as I got home.
I got home, fed-ex'd a check, and furiously masturbated thinking about mag-dumping 30'06 from the hip while smoking a quality cigar.
The day the check was in the air... I get a call from the gun store.... "Sorry, the seller backed out."
I spent the next few months calling the Brother-in-law, and pestering the gun store to pass along my "I want it, sell it to me" messages. All to no avail. I ended up depressed and bitter. I bought several other guns trying to "get over her", but none of that worked.
So April rolls around, my big 5-0 birthday, and the most epic wife in the world plans a big party for me. Mostly consisting of 2 dozen of my friends and family going to the forest to lay down enough supressive fire to strike fear in the heart of any third world dictator, followed by all you can eat steak at a brazilian steak house.
The weeks leading up to the party consisted of working 70+ hour weeks, with no days off for maybe 3 weeks... but the wife wouldn't let me cancel the party.
Day of the party comes, all goes great. Midway through the range time, a buddy of mine takes out a big rifle case, and the wife hands it to me. "Happy Birthday" she says. I open it. Inside, LUCILE!
Turns out, the day I came back from that gunstore all giddy, she started a vast conspiracy with my brother-in-law, two gun stores, and a few friends, and bought it out from under me!
Best present ever!
Plus, my wife is hot, and a red-head with big boobs. Life is good!
I sleep with Lucile next to my bed, and I whisper sweet nothings to her in the morning when I wake up.
Good women are out there... they're just hard to find. ;)