Air Force, a base in Europe mid 2000's. Of course, we lived in the lap of luxury. 1 person to a room and share a bathroom and kitchenette with the neighbor. No AC though. Don't listen to those who think Europe is ahead of us in any way. Europe is not the first world, those fucking savages don't even have AC in their food shops. And don't get me started on what they call high speed internet. Anyway they, like most of the West do enjoy cheap immigrant labor. The USAF, keen to ingratiate themselves with the locals, were more than happy to outsource as much as they could flimsily justify. This resulted in a fair number of Polish peeps working in places like the base Taco Bell, class 6 (gas station/convenience store) and of course the base chow hall. I'm sorry Dining Facility, wouldn't want to give any services pleebs a coronary. We a had a bit of a ladies man in the shop. He was in pretty good shape and was in because he had knocked out a cop on civvie street. 6yrs in the military or 5 in jail. It was the Air Force, and this guy was doing MMA in his free time, to include the occassional cage fight, you'd never guess it though. Most laid back surfer dude in the shop and while ripped, looked average height and build at first glance. Air Force being the safety and documentation nazis they are, nearly everyone in his chain of command knew of his extra-curiculars as well as his origin story. Being that the Air Force is dominated by pussies, all the NCO's were intimidated by that shit so he had a free pass. He felt he had been cheated by being forced into the military (never mind how lucky he was to be offered an alternative to federal pound him in the ass prison.) so he felt obliged to push the envelope on most occasions. Again, Air Force NCO=pussy, so no one called him on his shit. To be fair he wasn't a dick or a douche, so he was pretty well liked by his fellow pleebs.
Shortly after arriving on station he and a former stoner discovered a local hippie festival and upon learning that mushrooms had not yet been made illegal in said foreign country they eagerly purchased a bag and promptly consumed. Jipped, zero effect. Both proceeded to tell all in the shop. Not bright but no reaction from higher... Later he opted to take a bit of a Robo trip (ask your father) while watching a horror movie. The beds in the barracks had drawers on one side and a large storage compartment under the 2inch thick mattress on the other (European savages, never even heard of fucking box springs.) This is where he hid after the trip went bad, like because that would never happen to someone watching a horror movie while fucked up. I'm still baffled as to why this wasn't seen coming. At any rate, his window was open, remember the no AC thing I was bitching about? One of his classmates from techschool reached in through the window to open the door (this just happened to be one of the two radar O'Rilley types we had in the shop) and let himself in. Upon opening up the bed storage compartment to investigate the screams of terror produced by a familiar voice, he was nearly floored by a panicked MMA fighter on a bad trip who darted out into the outdoor walkways of the largest dorm building in USAFE. By this time a second concerned techschool class mate (this one far less naive, impressionable and easily traumatized, after all, this was the robo man's pussy slaying partner in crime during trips to nearby town centers.) was on the case. A chase insued. Dude man tripping face was 'apprehended' and talked back into his room where the horror movie was turned off and our hero was baby sat while being force hydrated.
Again, the tale circulated with no abatement, and no reaction from a non confrontational chain of command. They prefered to bully the 'good airmen' with permanent chickenshit documentation of minor failings in their PIFs, than address real problems. Besides, what could they do anyway, our man Flint kept passing all his drug tests and all they had to go on was hearsay. Oh yeah and the Air Force is full of pussies. Had our man Flint not been a good dude we all would have hated him, but because he was genuinely liked, his shop mates tended to shake their heads and laugh at his schenanigans and our ball less leaders inability and unwillingness to do anything about them.
Shortly after, he begins to routinely fuck the shit out of a hot little Polish 'lunch lady.' She was in her early 20's and the only visible blemish was that part of one her thumbs was missing. She worked in the chow hall plopping slop on plates. She eventually moved in with our man Flint. Again, an open secret, again, no action taken by the petty, officious, NCO's who had no problem paper raping other people over nothing. But this shit, "naw man this fucking Spicoli character is scary, lets just ignore it." lol.
His room was one of many party rooms in said mega dorm. The ops tempo was high and most of the Aircraft maintainers were on perpetual 12 hr shifts and the weekend duty crews were always working a 12 on sat and another on sun. As a result work, drink, nap, work, drink, nap, repeat was routine and fueled by much frustration, burnout and hatred for the authorities who subjected us to the nonsense meant only to further their careers, we all drank excessively. The only thing keeping us going was the knowledge that people down range were relying on our birds for top cover. Even if the Chain of command still seemed to think it was the peace ridden, kinder gentler 90's. Remtards.
At any rate our man Flint, and the lunch lady eventually broke up. Even though she was cooking, cleaning and doing his laundry. He kind of blew it, but what ever. She went into denial and continued to try and save the relationship. She didn't go full crazy but still, as only an eastern european woman could, she remained unreasonably faithfull and doggedly attached to our man Flint. She showed up at his dorm room one day while he was away training with his local MMA buddies a few towns over (on a side note, this dude was training buddies with nearly every bouncer in the area.) His suite mate, unaware of the recent break up, let the polish lunch lady into our man Flint's room via the shared kitchenette bathroom between rooms vestibule thing. The party begins and takes on a life of its own with the presumed host in absentia. When Our man Flint returns from the gym, he finds Security Forces breaking up a particularly raucus party in his room (which is saying something, this dorm was the animal house of the base which sported a near continuous rager, maintainence was on a 24hr schedule, the flightline was manned continuously, but so too were the dorms,) after arguing and demonstrating that his room key worked in the door, he was allowed to stay at the scene. Finding that all of this had been initiated by a Polish national who worked on base, the Security Forces guys decided to drop it and press on after scattering the drunken rabble. My the god, imagine what the paperwork would have involved. Again, our man Flint skated. Found, among other things in his room, a ruined pair of brand new 'Tims' one of which had been filled with beer, and one sobbing polish lunch lady, whom he thought he'd evicted days earlier.
While relating this particular tale to a friend in another squadron it turned out that he too had a coworker who had let a Polish girl shack up with him, apparently not the same one but his was proving just as difficult to dump.
Shortly after, our man Flint began 'ghosting.' He shacked up with a local girl in an apartment near his MMA gym while officially still living in the dorm. Again, an open secret all NCOs chose to overlook. Our 'Parker Lewis' never lost. Although he once fell victim to a particularly considerate thief. After unlocking and climbing into his car which had spent only a few hours unattended in a car park, it took a moment to realize that his stereo was missing. Zero damage, professionally removed. No broken windows or damage to locking mechanisms. The stereo had simply disappeared, as if by magic. Or so he claimed.