Joele38 you aren't alone. Call up some old comrades-in-arms, go to the VFW and talk to the old vets, call the hotline, talk to us in here. Think about those times were you were humping a force march. All you could see was the pack in front of you and the road under your boots. Legs numb but moving, pack digging in your lower back, head feeling like it was in a tournaquet under your kevlar, ass and balls chaffed, sweating like a blind whore in a cucumber patch. In a company of a 100, yet isolated in your own tormented world, wondering how much farther you can go. Then finally the pack in front of you stops. You smash into it, in the accordian squeeze that always happens at a halt. You get to fallout, drop your pack. Life starts to feel a little better when you sit, even though you can feel the blisters filling up on yoir feet with every pulse. When you hear other dudes around you start talking about their swamp ass and other aches, you realize you're not a bitch, everybody's fucking hurting and you are a part of that norm.
My point is you're not as fucked up as you think, and there are those around you that have been through the same shit, that are just as fucked up, and the shit always has an end, sooner or later. Hang in there.